


Is it still wrong if i believe it's right?

by Merlioske



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Boys In Love, Breaking of Curses, Evil Morgana (Merlin), Gwaine being Best Boi, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, King Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), M/M, Merlioske-friendly, curse, evil Mordred, shit goes wrong, spell, tis what happens when you fuck with what you shouldn't Morgs, what goes around comes around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27846742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merlioske/pseuds/Merlioske
Summary: Never give up, never lose hope. That, as a Knight of the realm, as the King of Camelot, had always been a Thing with Arthur.Never give up, never lose hope. That'd been a Thing with him, ever since Merlin had come barging into his life with his cheerful smile and his guileless eyes...Never give up, never lose hope. Merlin had taught him that. Merlin had repeated that over and over and over again until Arthur had begun believing it.Never give up, never lose hope.so Arthur wouldn't.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 49
Kudos: 122





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> in all honesty, i have no idea what this is. i... i hope you enjoy?
> 
> the biggest of thank you to [Pelydryn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pelydryn/pseuds/Pelydryn) for a wonderful beta, you're the best <3

~x~

He was standing there, frozen, hidden in the alcove and unseen. In the middle of the bare room, Morgana was knelt, screaming, her voice raw, hoarse. Her arms and legs were shackled, a wide cold-iron collar around her neck. She sagged in her restraints, her arms, pulled up by the chains, the only thing holding her from collapsing completely.

“Not so much fun now, is it?~” 

He winced from the cheer in that question. Morgana whimpered, shied away from the figure before her. The chains rattled softly, holding her mostly in place.

“How about another one, hm? You always did so _love_ to dream, didn’t you? Here, have one more before I go.”

Morgana screamed before a hand even touched her forehead.

As soon as they were alone, Arthur scrambled from the alcove he had been hiding in and went to his knees before the… to-be-conqueress? The High Priestess hell-bent on killing him? Camelot’s Queen? His sister?

“Morgana. Morgana, can you hear me?” Arthur asked, raising a hand only to pull away when she flinched away with a whimper.

“Plea… Please…” she whispered, and the King of Camelot leaned in to hear her hoarse voice better.

“Please what? Morgana, what have you done? You have to tell me, please, Morgana, tell me what you did to him.”

She raised her head to face him, her eyes wide and white all over, unseeing. “Please… kill me.”

~x~

Arthur skidded around a corner, rushing to his chambers. He had to be there first, otherwise… otherwise… Guards that saw him, noblemen too, all moved out of his way _fast_. Not that they didn't do so before anyway, but these days… well, enough to say there was extra motivation in their movements.

His Knights were no better, in all honesty. The ones that were left, at any rate. Lancelot was gone - had taken Gwen and left. Arthur couldn’t blame him. What with her expecting and the situation at the citadel being what it was… Lancelot swore he’d be back once he had Gwen situated. Arthur had forbidden it. He’d call his Knight back when… he’d call him back.

Gwaine was gone as well. Refusing to believe in the ‘there’s no hope, I’ve exhausted all my sources’ spiel that Gaius had given with increasing exasperation, he had packed and left. Looking for something, anything that could help. Percival, who had quieted even further ever since… had gone with him.

Leon, well. Leon was still there, training the Knights in Arthur’s increasingly frequent absence, Elyan at his side. So there was that at least. He wasn’t alone. He still had at least two of his Round Table Knights.

Arthur banged the door in his haste to enter his chambers and cursed under his breath. His chambers were gleaming. The fire was roaring in the fireplace, no wood in it, to distract from the magnificence of the flames. There was a feast laid out on the table and a bouquet of flowers sat on his desk.

Even if there had been none of these things, however, Arthur would have known _he_ was there. There was a… weight to his chambers. There was a weight to any room when _he_ was in there, nowadays. Where there used to be cheer and feeling of happiness and calm, which Arthur used to attribute to the cheery disposition of his servant, the King now knew it used to be, in fact, the taste of his magic, that made everything feel… lighter, brighter even. Now… now all Arthur could feel was nausea and something that felt like a heavy, smothering blanket of steel that was threatening to crush him beneath it.

“Where have you been?” It was asked quietly, carefully.

Arthur bit his lip. “Just… taking a walk. You know how I hate being cooped up in my chambers.”

“It’s not safe out there alone for you, Sire, you know that.” There was genuine worry in the tone. It gave the King hope.

“I’m sorry… I…”

There was a sigh. “You are _not_ a good liar, Sire.” The shadows moved, and a figure stepped out of the shadows. “Did you enjoy the show?”

Arthur sighed. “You know I do not enjoy torture, _Mer_ lin.”

The sorcerer scoffed. “Now that’s the truth. What _were_ you hoping to achieve though? Going to see _her_. Without me, no less.”

Arthur swallowed against a dry throat. "I… I needed to ask her a question."

"Oh?" Merlin hummed thoughtfully, plopping down at the table and popping a strawberry into his mouth. "And? Did you get the response you needed?"

Arthur ventured over to the table too, sitting down across from Merlin. "No. I… She was too out of it after you left to answer me."

Merlin hummed again. "This question… how badly do you need it answered?"

Arthur caught his eye then. "Desperately."

Merlin blinked. Licked the stray drop of juice clinging to his finger and stood. "All right then."

Before Arthur could more than take a breath, the air around them wavered and then they were… elsewhere. Arthur stumbled a little, wrong footed from standing when he had been sitting just a moment ago, but his attention was quickly stolen by the whimper in front of him.

They were back in Morgana's tower, it seemed.

As Merlin stepped closer, she whimpered again and then screamed when Merlin crouched before her.

"Hey there, Witch," he greeted cheerfully, and Arthur felt his shoulders tense. "My King is here to ask you something."

Morgana screamed again, and Merlin huffed. 

"That won't do. I guess I should pull you out of your dream while he does, hmm?" With that, he touched her forehead again, and Morgana's screaming ceased. "Now. My King is going to ask you questions. If anything apart from the answer to his questions leaves your lips? Well, your dreams won't be anywhere near as fun as they'd been up to now, am I clear?"

He grinned when Morgana nodded shakily.

Standing back up, Merlin took a step back and allowed Arthur to come over.

"All yours, my Lord."

"Morgana," Arthur started, coming closer and crouching down before her. It took a moment, but she raised her head, looking at him, eyes far sharper than they were the last time he saw her just an hour or so ago.

"Art," she rasped, and Arthur had to physically force down a flinch at the nickname of old.

"I need you to tell me, all right? I need to know." He kept his voice gentle, soothing, unable and unwilling to cause her anymore pain. Even after everything she'd done. After a slow and sluggish nod, Arthur took a deep breath and opened his mouth again.

"What did you do to him, Morgana? What did you do to Merlin?" 

Merlin stood behind him, keeping his eyes trained on Morgana, ever vigilant, ever watchful for anything that would indicate danger to his King.

"Spell." The word tumbled out of her mouth, carrying weight. But it was _something_ after months of nothing, it was finally, _finally_ something.

"What kind of spell?" Arthur asked, forcing down his elation.

"Dark magic."

The King contained an eye roll. Barely. "Yes, we've gathered that much. _What_ _spell_?"

Morgana shrugged, her chains rattling grating on Arthur's ears. "I don't know. Twas forbidden."

Arthur frowned. "What do you mean you don't know. You're the one that cast it, weren't you?"

Morgana's headshake took her a while. "Conduit. Morgause cast. She…" Morgana's voice shook. "She was the only one who knew the incantation."

Arthur huffed, frustration growing. "Where is she then?"

"Gone," Morgana croaked, and Arthur felt his stomach drop. "She's gone and it's gone with her."

"Who else knows. Morgana, who else knows how to reverse it?"

A single teardrop fell from her eye and rolled down her cheek. "No one. It's handed High Priestess to High Priestess. She never handed it down to me."

"No." Arthur didn't realise he'd spoken, but Morgana blinked at him, seemingly equally unaware.

"I answered your questions. Now kill me."

"Aaaaand that's enough of that." Merlin was walking over then, and Arthur could see desperation in her eyes as she spoke again.

"Please, Arthur, _brother_ , please. Don't let him… please just. Just kill me now. Please!"

Merlin's fingers were on her forehead, touching lightly and the next time Morgana opened her mouth, it was to let out an ear-piercing scream.

"Sweet dreams~" Merlin said cheerfully before offering Arthur an arm up and then magicking them back to Arthur's chambers.

~x~

A vase shattered against the wall, and Merlin frowned before his eyes glowed gold and made the vase whole again. Arthur blinked at it, took it into his hands and smoothly lobbed it at the wall again.

Merlin sighed. "Something on your mind, Sire?"

Arthur choked down a sob. "Something like that."

Merlin frowned. "Did the Witch upset you? Would you like me to kill her?"

"No!" Arthur gasped, turning to Merlin. He took a moment to observe him and bit his lip before opening his mouth again. "Actually… do you think you could maybe… go a bit easier on her?"

Merlin blinked. "Meaning?"

Arthur ran a hand through his hair and huffed. "Those 'dreams' you give her… maybe you could…"

Merlin's eyes narrowed; clearly, he saw where Arthur was going. "No." Arthur winced from the ice, contained in that one word. Before he could open his mouth to _try_ to maybe change his sorcerer's mind, Merlin continued. "She's dangerous. She's always been dangerous. She's hurt you, she's killed your father and she _would_ kill you given half a chance. And that is _not_ happening. Not while I'm alive."

Arthur breathed, knew it was shaky, couldn't help himself. "Merlin…"

" _No one_ will hurt you. I won't let them. Not Morgause, not Morgana, not Mordred. No one will hurt you. My King." He ran a finger over Arthur's cheekbone, his touch reverent. "My life." His smile was soft, but even in that, Arthur could feel the weight of it. "My destiny."

Arthur closed his eyes, choking down a sob.

A single tear made its way down his cheek. Soft lips kissed it away.

~x~

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo, apparently, my Muses love my readers...well... a lot o.o  
> and thus, here it is o.o  
> part two, with, a drumroll, plEeeEase - a Happy Ending ^.^  
> i hope you enjoy, lovelies~~~
> 
> as always, thank you, [Pelydryn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pelydryn/pseuds/Pelydryn), for the beta, you're phenomenal <333

~x~

They were running out of time. He knew it. He could _feel_ it. Just like he could feel _him_ , waking up from slumber. He needed this conversation to happen faster.

"And you're sure then?" he asked, hurriedly. "You're sure it'll work?"

Gwaine nodded, looking exhausted and harried. "Yeah, Princess. I'm sure."

Arthur opened his mouth to ask for specifics but froze in place when the air around them _dropped_ . There was no other way to describe it. Where there had been… well, nothing, now there was weight, bearing down upon their shoulders. _He_ was there.

"Sire? What are you doing here? Why aren't you in bed? I woke up and I was alone." 

Arthur's eyes shuttered closed at the genuine worry in the tone. 

"Merls. Hey there, long time, huh…" Gwaine had forced a smile but it didn't seem like Merlin had so much as noticed he was there.

"Sire?" he asked again, stepping up to Arthur, his eyes rushing over his form, checking for injuries, discrepancies, a fold of tunic out of place. 

Arthur sighed. "I'm fine, Merlin. Sir Gwaine had a report. It was urgent, but not urgent enough to need to wake you. I wanted you to rest. You've been overworking lately, do _not_ deny it. And I'm perfectly safe with my Knight here."

Merlin pouted. "It was just a minor faint, you know. And you're always safest with me."

Gwaine frowned. "You fainted?"

"I was putting up wards around the whole of Camelot, and I might've forgotten to eat for a few days beforehand." Merlin shrugged carelessly, finally deigning to acknowledge the knight.

Gwaine glared. At Arthur. "Few _days_?" 

Thunder crackled outside the window menacingly, and Arthur hurried to step in between Gwaine and Merlin's line of sight. "Peace, Merlin. He's not a threat. Gwaine didn't mean anything by it. He's just worried for _you_."

Gwaine blinked. "What---"

But Arthur was still talking, tone gentle and hands up in a soothing gesture. "Peace, Merlin, peace."

The thunder puttered out, and the air around them lightened a tiniest bit.

Gwaine stood frozen and pale, finally getting with the program.

Merlin huffed, crossing his arms and frowning in Gwaine's direction over Arthur's shoulder. "This is exactly what I meant, sire. You're safest with _me._ You should stay with _me_." He tsked, shaking his head disapprovingly.

Arthur nodded quickly, tossing a look to check on Gwaine, who nodded back at him a bit shakily.

"Of course. You're right. Sir Gwaine, we'll finish this in the morning."

Gwaine nodded again, his eyes trained on Merlin, who was still looking a little peevish and kept watching his every move with hawk-like precision. "Ye-yeah. I… yeah."

With that the knight left, his steps quick but uncertain. Gwaine could only breathe in relief once he reached his quarters where a worried and just as harried Percival was waiting. 

"Well?" the giant of a man asked, wringing his hands in obvious distress.

Gwaine shook his head with a sigh that seemed to stem from the depths of his very soul. "I… I don't know, Perce… I just don't know…"

~x~

It had been easier than he had expected, the whole accepting magic thing. Sure, it was mind-boggling and painful as all hell to find out that _Merlin_ , _his_ Merlin, had been a sorcerer all along. But then, after Merlin had taken down Morgana's army, had captured her, had rebuilt the broken-down parts of _Arthur's_ kingdom, had helped Gaius with the healing of _Arthur's_ people with no regards for his own quickly waning strength...well. What helped the most, however, was that Merlin had explained it all. In that… distant new way of his, he had laid it all out at Arthur's feet and then had knelt down before him, offering him Excalibur, hilt first. 

"This is the only weapon that is capable of killing me, Sire." He had said it so simply, so easily. As if they'd have been discussing the weather. And well, that was that.

Arthur would catch glimpses of his old Merlin at times. When he was tending Gaius or whispering to the horses or just… standing there, in the middle of a field, with his eyes closed and face turned towards the breeze. But then he'd blink and _his_ Merlin would be gone again and in his place would be the shell that Morgana's curse had wrought.

Arthur never thought he would ever, ever be capable of hating his own flesh-and-blood sister. Yet, with each passing day, the glimpses of _his_ Merlin got dimmer, fewer and farther in between, and Arthur found himself learning to hate indeed. Suddenly, understanding his father became far easier as well.

~x~

They shared a bed, now. Or, more accurately, Arthur slept in a bed, at the foot of which Merlin lay as he guarded him. Merlin slept little, these days. It was… it was just… Arthur had spent so many nights in that same bed, dreaming, fantasizing of having Merlin in there with him. This… this was _not_ how he had wanted that to happen.

And while it would have been so _easy_ now, so, so easy to just… Tell Merlin to join him properly. To allow himself to undress him, lay him down and touch every inch, kiss every crevice, have him in every way he could think of because he knew he _could…_ all it would take was one word. One word and Merlin would get down on his knees to service, to _worship_ his King _…_ yet. With every day, with every attempt to reverse this curse failing, Arthur's hope dimmed more and more.

While the day of the United Kingdom of Albion drew ever closer, the happiness of her King seemed further and further out of reach.

~x~

"And you're sure about this?" Arthur asked, ice in his tone.

Morgana nodded. _She_ was looking better these days. Ever since Arthur had made Merlin stop forcing her 'dreams'. Ever since she had sworn allegiance to Arthur. The King wouldn't have believed the oath, had he not witnessed Merlin making sure it would keep himself. The oath Merlin made her give? That kind of oath _held_.

She was harmless, after. Useful, even, with her visions now serving Camelot and her King.

Arthur could have let her go after that. Merlin even asked if he'd like the chains removed. Arthur had said no. Merlin had beamed.

Morgana hadn't complained.

Now, Arthur was sitting upon his throne, Merlin standing at his right shoulder. Morgana was kneeling before them, her cold-iron collar stark against her ivory skin.

"Yes, my Lord. Mordred is marching upon Camelot with the remainder of our forces." She dared a quick glance at Merlin at that. "Camlann… is where you'll meet."

Arthur felt Merlin tense at his side, but before his sorcerer could open his mouth, Morgana continued.

"I don't mean _you_ as in you, my Lord. I was speaking about you, Emrys," she finished quietly and Merlin made a thoughtful noise while Arthur frowned.

"Are you trying to tell me _not_ to lead my own people?" he asked incredulously and bristled when she nodded.

"If you wish to live, you'll let your sorcerer handle this battle. If you face Mordred at the planes of Camlann, you will not survive it. Some destinies cannot be escaped." It was said calmly, peacefully, almost. Arthur had no doubts it was not a threat, just a pure statement of fact.

"And some _can_ ," Merlin hissed, his voice dark, and Morgana flinched, but did not deny his claim.

"When?" Arthur asked, his eyes more on Gwaine than Morgana. Merlin, his furious gaze still fixed only on the witch, did not notice.

"The following full moon" was the reply and Arthur noted the sharp inhale the Knight gave before nodding at Arthur firmly.

"Well then. I guess there's a battle to prepare for," Arthur concluded, waved the guards to escort Morgana out and turned to Merlin. "Our chambers, Merlin. Now, if you'd be so kind. Do grab Sir Gwaine as well."

With a bow, far more deferential than anything his sorcerer would have ever offered before, Merlin's eyes glowed and then there they were.

~x~

"You're not going" was the first thing Merlin said, upon their resituation.

Arthur nodded, hadn't expected anything else. "Merlin, am I safe here?" he inquired apropos of nothing, making Merlin blink.

"Of course, Sire."

Arthur hummed and motioned for Gwaine to join him at the table. "Good good. And Sir Gwaine here, he a threat?"

Merlin blinked again, his eyes glowed for a second and then he shook his head. 

Arthur nodded again. "Splendid. In that case, there's no problem with you leaving to tell Morgana that I will be stopping by her chambers in a bit. I have need of her. Now. You are to go to her and let her know this." Merlin nodded, turning to the door immediately. "And then you're to stay there and wait for us." Merlin froze.

Arthur bit his cheek - this was a gamble that could go either way. From Gwaine's expression, he very much knew that as well.

Thankfully, however, Merlin just nodded, albeit a little hesitantly, and left.

Gwaine waited until the door clicked shut before turning to Arthur. "This cannot be a coincidence."

"I agree," the King sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Which means you'll be leaving…?"

"As soon as I have all I need. I'll be needing some help with that." The Knight gave his King a very meaningful look.

Arthur's expression was grim. "I know. Come now, the sooner we gather everything, the sooner you can make for the border."

~x~

It took Gwaine and Percival exactly eight months, three weeks and six days to find what they had set out for.

It took them exactly a month and a half to figure out how to get back home _with_ the new knowledge they had collected. 

It took Arthur exactly two minutes, after having heard their report, to agree to their plan. His Merlin had been lost to him for over two years, at that point, and Arthur? Well. Arthur was _this_ close to doing damn near absolutely anything to get him back.

~x~

"Why?" Merlin had asked, his head tilted to the side, very birdlike when Arthur held out the knife.

"Because you're mine, are you not? To do with as I see fit?" Arthur had replied, ignoring Gwaine's wince. Not so long, he would have winced himself. Nowadays, however, the King knew _exactly_ how to handle this sorcerer.

"Of course I am, Sire." Merlin had agreed, and offered up an arm without any further questions. 

Arthur had cut him then, with a quick soldier's hand. A quick warrior's hand. A hand that never shook after taking life after life on a battlefield. 

The cut, after it healed, left an uneven scar.

~x~

Arthur entered the tower where Morgana dwelled with Gwaine at his side. They found her at a window, ignoring Merlin, who stood with his back to the door, just a step or two in.

"Merlin, I need you and Gwaine to wait outside." Arthur's voice was even and commanding. Well, as commanding as he could make it.

Merlin snorted, and even Morgana's lips quirked the tiniest of bits in obvious amusement.

"That's not happening, Sire." 

Arthur sighed, tossed Gwaine a Look and Gwaine raised an eyebrow. 

What exactly he was supposed to do in this situation was anyone's guess.

"Merls? Mate, she's harmless, isn't she? I mean, you wouldn't let Princess here anywhere near her if she wasn't, right?"

At Merlin's slow nod, Gwaine continued, feeling encouraged. "Well, if so, you can surely spare me a minute, no? Come now, Merls, I haven't seen you in ages. And it's not like I'd take you away from the Princess here. We'd be right outside. Shouting distance.” Gwaine took a deep breath and steeled himself before continuing. “I miss you, mate."

"Must be quite the conversation you need to have with me if you'd pull _that_ to get him out of here," Morgana spoke lightly, never turning back towards Arthur after the door had closed behind Merlin and Gwaine.

"I have come for your blessing as the one who cursed him. I'm told that as a High Priestess of the Old Religion, you'd know what that meant," Arthur said, going straight to the point. He had lost any and all wish for casual conversation or attempt at mending the relationship with his sister months ago.

Morgana's eyebrow shot up. She was still looking out the window. "I… I wasn't the one to curse him. That was Morgause and as she's dead I----"

"You were the conduit for the curse, yes?" Arthur interrupted, his patience wearing thin faster than expected.

Morgana nodded shallowly, pursing her lips. “But that---”

"Then you're connected to the curse _enough_ . Now give me that blasted blessing so I can fix this. Fix _him_." His voice broke at the end, and Arthur hated himself for it.

Morgana glided to her boudoir and picked up a clear glass vial. She placed it against her forehead and intoned in a clear voice, the words of power flowing freely and smoothly from her lips. The vial filled with purple smoke and she corked it closed. 

Morgana offered him the vial, not moving herself.

With a sneer, Arthur stalked over and snatched the vial from her cold, frail fingers. He turned to leave without another word, but her soft voice stopped him.

"I truly am sorry, brother."

Arthur did not reply.

~x~

Merlin was asleep as Arthur watched him.

_"How am I supposed to do it?" Arthur was worrying his lower lip between his teeth as he marched across his chambers._

_Gwaine shrugged. "I have_ **_no_** _idea. The three priestesses we met said you had to just… sort of… um…" He looked discomfited._

_"What, Gwaine, spit it out." Arthur had stopped pacing and turned to his Knight._

_With a sigh and a shrug, Gwaine held his gaze as he spoke. "They said you'd have to prove your courage and worth by being honest and confessing something you otherwise wouldn't." He tossed over a clear glass vial, and Arthur caught it from the air. "And when you were done, hold that against your heart."_

"When this all happened, you know what I thought? What the very first thing I thought was? 'Thank the gods he's still mine'." Arthur's voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke, his fingers soft, gentle as he brushed a strand of Merlin's hair off his forehead. "I thought that no matter who else betrayed me, or left me, or hurt me, I'd deal. As long as I had you by my side. It boggled me, you know? How little actual anger I felt after finding out. How little I _cared_ even. As long as you were mine. I just… did not care about much else. Did not care about the last dregs of my family betraying me. Did not care about my friends abandoning me when I needed them most. And I kept on wondering, _why._ Why was it that it was so crucial to me, your being there, by my side. Until it finally dawned on me." Arthur took a deep, steadying breath before continuing. "I… I love you, Merlin. I think I've loved you for a very long time. And I'd do anything to keep you safe.” Confession finished, Arthur sniffled once, his voice growing shaky. “Gods… this better work… this has to work." He held the vial to his heart, closing his eyes to catch the tears that were threatening to fall, feeling them run down his cheeks anyway. He opened his eyes as gentle fingers wiped his cheeks dry, watched as blue, so _so blue_ eyes looked at him, containing all the sorrow behind that gaze.

Merlin didn't say anything, didn't ask anything. Not when Arthur leaned into his touch. Not when the King stoppered the vial with shaking fingers, the vial shining brighter than the sun in his hand.

~x~

Gwaine rode out as soon as the sun had risen the next morning, the ever faithful Percival by his side. In the saddlebags they carried the three vials of ruby red, royal purple and sunbright gold.

Arthur, standing high upon the battlements, followed them with his eyes for as long as he could, praying to all the gods, old and new alike, that their quest would be successful.

~x~

Only days later, Arthur was once again, stood on those same battlements, watching his sorcerer ride away to fight in a battle that was supposed to be his, for a Kingdom that he no longer felt either worthy or deserving of.

When he disappeared out of sight, Arthur went straight into Morgana's tower, stopping only briefly at his chambers - he had a few things to gather.

"I was not expecting to see you, brother."

"You will cloak me against him," Arthur told her promptly. "You will cloak me until such a time that _I_ deem it prudent to reveal myself."

Morgana blinked. Then blinked again. And then burst out laughing. "Even if I _were_ capable of such a thing, brother dear, I---"

But Arthur interrupted her, his voice a snarl. "I care not for your excuses, witch. You shall do this and you shall do it now, or," and he pulled out Excalibur, watching as her eyes widened first in shock, then fear, "or you'll find your lifespan far shorter than what you'd have hoped." 

~x~

Arthur watched, safely, from the top of a hill as his sorcerer rode out alone, to meet an army coming to destroy him. It killed him, staying away. Not doing anything, not helping, not being _useful_ in any way. But after almost two years with _this_ Merlin? Arthur did not even think to move.

Mordred rode out before the army, meeting Merlin in the middle of the field. Arthur saw them speak. He saw Mordred smirk, wave his hand. Saw his army advance.

He _felt_ Merlin's magic. Felt it rumble beneath the earth, shudder through the trees, vibrate in the air and wail through the clouds. 

He tried to close his eyes against what was to come. He couldn't look away. This was, after all, all for _his_ Kingdom. All for _him._ Looking away was not an option.

Winds rose, skies darkened, thunder growled and Merlin raised his hands. And the earth rose with them. 

It took moments, minutes at the most, in the end. Morgana's, now Mordred's army, almost two thousand strong, was gone. Just like that. Buried beneath the earth and the trees. Burned by the lightning and drowned by the skies. 

In the end, Merlin stood alone, facing all the devastation he had wrought. Facing Mordred.

Even from the distance, Mordred looked pale. Pale but determined. He did not back down, swinging first with magic, then with his sword. He was throwing all he had at Merlin, Arthur could see that, _saw_ that. Saw the need to win, saw the desperation. Saw the calm understanding that he wouldn't. Yet still, he refused to give in, to give up. It was… Begrudging respect rose in Arthur, seeing that boy, barely a man now, fight so fiercely for someone. _He’s Morgana’s Merlin,_ Arthur realized with a start and felt a pang of sadness then. For both of them. For his broken, hateful sister and her child of the heart. Child, who was just as broken and just as hateful, for all the love he’d known had come from her, and been just as twisted and rotten as she had been.

He saw Merlin wave a hand, making Mordred's sword fly out of his grip and land somewhere that was, simply, _away_. Saw Merlin move, with preternatural speed, and grip Mordred by the throat with one hand.

Saw Merlin reach with his other hand, calmly, slowly.

Saw the moment Merlin's fingers sank through Mordred's armour and into his flesh. Heard Mordred's garbled scream as Merlin's fingers found his heart and _squeezed._

Arthur closed his eyes, breathed a sigh of relief and was seconds away from dropping Morgana's cloak when it happened. The first ray of full-moon tore through the clouds and fell down, bathing Merlin in pure, white light.

Arthur felt his heart stop. _No. No not_ **_now_** _, not this second, no no_ **_no_** _!_

The air on the battlefield shuddered, gasped and _breathed_ , the weight on the world lifting together with the curse that had plagued his sorcerer. His Merlin. Who stood frozen, his skin bloodless, his fingers still squeezed around Mordred's still heart.

"Ar-Arthur?"

Arthur dropped Morgana's cloak and _ran._

~x~

“It’s going to be all right, Merlin. It is. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

Merlin woke screaming more nights than not.

~x~

“Golden Age, Merlin, yes, I promise. Together. You have my word.”

Arthur would hold him through each scream. Each sob. Each hiccuped apology.

~x~

“I can’t look him in the eye, Arthur, not after… not yet.”

“That’s all right, love, you don’t have to. We have time. We have all the time in the world.”

~x~

And they did. It took time. It took a _lot_ of time. But eventually Merlin’s gaze lifted, and he could look his friends in the eyes again.

And he could smile. Shakily, at first, then stronger. And stronger still. And then, it wasn’t _every_ night that he woke screaming.

It wasn’t to sobs that Arthur rose to.

Arthur swore to himself he’d never let Merlin cry the way he did that night on the battlefield, cradling Mordred’s body to his chest.

~x~

It took years more to get to the Golden Age. But they did it. Together. 

And Arthur did make Merlin cry, just the once more. When, after being crowned High King of Albion, he slid to a knee before Merlin and asked him a question in front of all his people. His people, who instead of staying silent, roared their joy and their approval. So, in the end, not so much _his_ as _their_ people.

~x~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are love and joy and chocolate cake, please, do feed me :333  
> xoxoxo

**Author's Note:**

> comments are chocolate-chip cookies and i've a sugar craving.  
> xoxoxo


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